Job titles, they're not what they used to be

Between false modesty and false bravado, it's hard to tell exactly who does what, writes Fiona Smith.

Being a receptionist is a difficult job at the best of times - maintaining politeness through gritted teeth, mollifying callers on hold, and trying to find people who have forgotten about their 10am visitors who have been waiting in the lobby for 20 minutes.

Now they also have to put up with the sugar-coated job title: director of first impressions.
Let's face it, not many directors would go to work for $40,000 a year and keep smiling for eight hours a day.

Job titles don't mean what they used to.

Ever since the Americans imported "vice-presidents" as the designation for anyone who was too good to lose, and organisations cut out layers of management in an attempt to be flat, it has been harder to tell who is what.

If those toiling away at the lowest levels of an organisation are pacified with inflated titles, those at the top seem almost embarrassed by their success, adding self-deprecating addenda to their titles to make all the little people feel more comfortable.

The two billionaire founders of Yahoo! - Jerry Yang and David Filo - share the position of "chief Yahoo".

That is only to be expected of the IT industry, which has thrown all attempts at seriousness out the window by hiring "evangelists" and "resident geeks", as they do at Microsoft.

IT executives within other firms have caught the bug.

Perhaps it is because so few of us understand what they do that they feel they have to endear themselves to us.

Annalie Killian, the head of IT communication and innovation at AMP, has created the sweetest title: Catalyst for magic.

Some people's titles, however, seemed designed to confuse.

What on earth, for example, is a "maximiser team lead"? That is what is on Peter Brown's business card as he goes about his business at the Google office in Sydney.

Well, Brown leads a team of people who act like copywriters to help Google advertisers get the most out of their ads.

"The first guy who had this job in 1999 was called Max. He was brought on board to help them get maximum return for their investment and he became known as Max the Maximiser," says Brown.

The title was then handed down to his successors, and it gets a bit of a reaction when Brown introduces himself.

"There have been a few raised eyebrows, but it is also a bit of a conversation starter." So, that explains the "maximiser" but what happened to the last two letters of "team leader"? Brown, a former journalist who should cringe at such things, says he suspects that it is an American affectation.

Some titles are just plain wrong, such as the "abrasive product sales representative" recently advertised for by 3M Innovation. That wouldn't be good for customer relations.

Now executives have come over all New Age on us, making a commitment to keeping their staff on side by anointing themselves "chief listener" or - as in the case of Domino's pizza CEO Don Meij - "chief enthusiasm officer". This may make you feel like you are being led by a bunch of Club Med entertainers, but at least you know what they are getting at.

Also at Domino's you, on the flip side of the business cards, get the "dough chief" (chief financial officer, Richard Coney), the "buy right man" (general manager, supply chain) John Harney, "Big Cheese Team DPANZ" (national corporate operations manager, Kerri Hayman), "top marketing guy" (chief marketing officer, Allan Collins) and general counsel and company secretary, Craig Ryan, who is new to the team and hasn't got with the program yet.

The New Zealanders, of course, are masters of plain speaking, prodding at pretension wherever they happen to see it. That then could be the excuse of NZ vodka company, 42 below, coming up with "chief vodka bloke" for CEO, Geoff Ross, "PA Chick" for his personal assistant, "Events Strumpet" for the events co-ordinator, and "Sales Geezer" for the head of sales. I'm not sure that your children would be boasting about that in the playground.

At juice company Nudie, "chief nudie" Andrew Binnetta works alongside his "chief squisher" (self explanatory), a "front line nudie" in reception and an "international nudie of mystery" (international sales), but apparently Richard Branson hasn't followed suit at Virgin. A rare moment of restraint.

Published: 07 August 2007