Office politics

Tread carefully in the workplace - it's not a democracy, Jenny Tabakoff warns.

Office politics is a fact of life. What would happen if we behaved like politicians in our own workplaces to navigate office politics?

In any office you're bound to spot the odd Hawke, Menzies, Whitlam or Fraser, and any number of Howards, Rudds and Iemmas. It's certainly a topic for debate, Mr Speaker.

Let's examine some key issues.

The democratic process offices aren't democracies (or even benevolent dictatorships) and office workers don't face the ultimate popularity contest every few years the way MP's do.

However, being liked makes life easier, so it pays to treat colleagues as your constituency. The power wielded by minions is immense.

Your phone isn't getting fixed? Level 3 insists your email never arrived? No cake on your birthday? The people have spoken.

A week is a long time ... It certainly can be if you're waiting for your phone to be fixed.

Schmooze or lose - buy a round of coffee for everyone. Make a friend in admin services. Buy chocolate bars and raffle tickets for every school fund-raiser. Don't just buddy down, buddy up.
 
Make dynamic small talk with the chief executive in the lift: let him know about your killer idea for opening a China office. See what happens.

Play nice Belinda Neal's fate could be the fate of any office worker. The only way you can utter the words "Do you know who I am?" is by way of introduction, hand outstretched in welcome, with a big smile on your face.

When I began in newspapers, there was a mantra: "Be nice to the copy kid." Any bright young thing whose current position involves a lot of photocopying and coffee-making has the potential to be your boss this time next year.

No unparliamentary language four-letter words and calling someone a liar get everyone into trouble eventually.

Stop after two glasses Bad things happen when three becomes four. Think of your last Christmas party.

Think of any number of politicians whose careers have come unstuck within metres of a bar. Bob Hawke was lucky.

Kiss that baby cuddle up to anything in a terry-towelling jumpsuit - or at least send a congratulatory card. It gives you a warm, fuzzy glow.

Keep your pants on Always wise, especially near the photocopier.

Develop the handshake firm and decisive, with not too much wrist or shoulder action. Avoid The Latham handshake.

Spin your way to success Politicians have press secretaries. As an office worker, you'll just have to send a million emails that make you look busy and effective.

Never take credit for other people's ideas. Instead, make sure you announce their contribution: modesty and magnanimity make you look like the genius who brings out the best in others. 

Published: 05 July 2008